Hold, please!

Dinner plans were unexpectedly changed and I had about an hour and a half to wait before we went out. I decided to kill the extra time by calling the phone company to ask a few questions about my bill. After answering all of the automated droid’s questions, I was put on hold and told it would be more than 10 minutes until I spoke to a real person. I put the phone on speaker, because holding it to my ear the whole time would mean I’d actually have to listen to her cold, robotic reassurance that “your call is important to us”, and hopped hold pleaseover to YouTube to check out a song that had been bouncing around my head. However, the internet connection began to come undone entirely and set the icon that indicates computer thought in an endless spin. The uncomfortable tightness in my solar plexus that happens when I don’t get what I want began a-squeezin’. Everything came to a grinding halt and I was totally having a Matrix experience. I consider myself a very patient person, but I had reached my waiting limit.

And then, my mental light bulb went on. I recognized this feeling of being on hold with seemingly no way out, this moment of arrest, of seizure, of complete imprisonment. This is the same uncomfortable sensory response my body produces when I am experiencing fear.  I have battled fear in many parts of my life, but lately most of the fear is centered around my music, my drag and my art. Sometimes I feel completely surrounded like I’m being hunted and my confidence, success and positivity are the prey. But the question is: who is doing the hunting? Just who is my predator?

 

Red Hairing

11 apr 2016-2

I love red hair.            Period.                          Despite what the     title might suggest, there will be no distractions to mislead you to any other conclusions. I made the fall I am wearing in the above photo a week ago. Although the materials sat lonely on my basement table for a couple weeks before I paid them any attention, I now never want to put her down! I think I’ll call her Maraschino (pronounced the Italian way, marr-uh-skee-noh, of course) for completely obvious reasons.

Perhaps the fact that less than 3% of the world has natural red hair makes it more appealing to me, but the shades that don’t grow naturally from human follicles are what I live for. Don’t get me wrong, the fiery manes of Ireland and Scotland are beautiful and I certainly wouldn’t kick a wig  like that out of my bag. But, when I am in hair town surrounded by racks upon racks of variously hued crimson tresses, I reach for the unnatural every time.

I have dyed my own natural hair every color of the rainbow. My ventures into the world of reds required a bit of lightening and sometimes additional pigmentation. If I used Sun-In (remember that product from the 1990’s) a few times during the summer my hair became a dazzling copper. Soaking my hair in peroxide gave me a mellow chestnut brown with auburn highlights. One day I made a magical discovery. I mixed a packet of cherry Kool-Aid into my peroxide soak and EUREKA! It was awesome! I couldn’t tell you how I thought that concoction up, but it worked so well I repeated it again and again. I probably wouldn’t do it now, because there are much harsher chemicals available at hair town that work much better, but for a bored teenager in a small town it was perfect.